Agency speak (or when to put the phone down)

I saw your CV on [Jobserve/Jobsite/Monster/Linkedin etc] ….

I am bored, and trying to fill my day by searching cv’s, and contacting people in vague hope I will get a lead, or at the very least polish up my sales talk.

So what is [Enter technology/buzzword/acronym here] ….

I am too lazy to use google, and frankly have no expertise in area I am hiring for.   Hence why I try to pronounce SQL as “Squirrel” and  Agile as “Aggile”.

We have a number of roles we are recruiting for in [enter location/sector relevant to cv in front of agent]

We, along with every other agency, have a number of roles to fill at any one time, but we need some decent cv’s to get a look in.

Oh, I know a few people from people there – who did you work with?  Do you know [enter made-up name here]? No?  Then who did you work with down there?

I am not interested in finding you work, I just lied about the opportunity that was available.  I just want to get some easy access to people in your previous companies, and in doing so annoy your previous employers.

We will need a reference before we can put your forward for this [fantasy] position

As above …

We pay on monthly invoices and you will be paid within 1-2 weeks after that.

We dont have enough float to pay you in decent time frame, even though we are earning commission from you.   We have no hope of paying you on time, unless the company we are resourcing for pays us on time.

We don’t give out our commission rate

We take too much, and also ignorant of the law.

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